"That Final Day"

[Motodad393]

“That Final Day”
By: Michael E. Berg

The darkest hours of the nights, the pain and struggle - Inside I fight!
I lay awake on morning wait and deep inside these feelings hate.
I try so hard to get some sleep but instead in agony weep.

From the darkness these thoughts they come
Like my feet they are so numb. My thoughts I force to think away,
Oh how I’ve come to hate the day my only son passed away.

The memories of that dreadful day make it hard for me to pray.
I often think and wonder why my only son had to die? I find it tough to heel inside
And deep within my feelings hide. Now I know that I must stay
And some how learn how I should pray.

The pain they say “it won’t last” but darkness from those shadows cast.
Deep inside I surely know, the pain, the sorrow will grow and grow,
Oh how I know that it won’t go.

My eyes now blurred in darkness night, with endless tears I sit and write.
The words not known from where they came, but often times
Myself I blame.

Many nights I lay awake knowing not how much I can take.
From darkness comes her breathing sound and some how slight peace is found.
But in her sleep I know remain endless thoughts and endless pain.

The noises I now hear inside always come from his last ride.
Even though I’ve limited ear those sounds within acutely clear. It’s now the source
My only fear, while I remain, I never live this pain again.

And thought sometimes this life has joy
Deep inside I miss my boy! You came and went so very fast I never dreamt you heaven cast.
I never thought your time wouldn’t last; now all that remains are memories past.

The mind they say a powerful thing and knowing fully this is true
It harbors those thoughts of you. Most are good, the last ones bad now reflection makes me sad.
As I think of times now past, I ponder why the painful last.

Those memories now I cannot shake
They are the ones causing me to break and from inside pain endlessly flows
It never stops – it never goes!

And now these days as I walk, often I hear that inner talk.
I know not when, or even why which of these thoughts will make me cry.
But this I know I’ll always say, “G_d I hate that final day!”

This poem was written very early A.M. February 6, 2005 - 126 weeks after September 22, 2002

[crfjedi393]

Great poem Mr. Berg. Perfect job of portraying your deep and personal feelings. As a dad, I could feel your pain in many of those lines. Thanks for sharing and keeping the rest of us "grounded".
I was drawn to this site and this community due to the unique nature of its birth. Garrett lives on with every post. I was honored to meet you in person back in January and I look forward to seeing you again in March.
BTW, Clint wears his Motoman hat everywhere. Thanks for the gifts.

[Imahoot393]

That is a great poem Mr. Berg. You have a great way of putting your thoughts out there for us to reflect on. We are here to share in your joys and pains as all family does. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

[b-bike393]

Mike:

What a heart wrenching flow of emotion.

My prayer for you and your family is that “ G_d Almighty" will meet you in the very center of your need, both today and forever.

Love ya Brother
Boyd

[wFo250]

Mr. Berg, I can't imagine the pain the loss of your son brings you. I appreciate you sharing your feelings with us. While so many souls enter and exit this world un-announced, someone like Garrett must have loved life a great deal to have such an impact on so many. I know no amount of consolation can change the reality, but Garretts' life resonates through all who are touched by his story, and reflects highly on the father who guided him. -----j0hn

[char393]

Mr. Berg,

I honestly cannot even begin to describe how deeply your words affect me.

If ever there is anything I or my family can do, we are here for you and your family.

[Motodad393]

I appreciate everyones comments and support - it truly helps. I share my feelings not for the purpose of self edification but to help others AND by doing so I too am comforted.

These past few days, to say the least have been rough [as they have since he died] the difference now is that when the days are bad, they are really, really bad. The distance between the "ups and downs" seems to grow [as long as you are on the upside] otherwise it is all challenging.

This is the second poem I have written. Very early this morning I awoke with tears and all the verses [thoughts] running across my psychic. After a few thoughts went by I was crying big time and trying to not wake Suzette. About 20 minutes later I realized the only way to make it stop was to 'write' - so I did. I sat and typed, cried and continued until it was done. I went back to bed and got about 2 hours of sleep. Literally I felt exhausted, drained is a good word for most of the day. This writing event reminded me of "The Letter" writing experience. Writing seems to help me and someday I will formally use my "written thoughts" to help others.

Didn't mean to run on with all this....... time for bed - I hope for sleep.

[ekholms-mx-farm]

I'm stumped to reply to such heart felt honesty,your willingness to share your deeply emotional feelings with us just tells me what a wonderfull father you are.My boy is only 4 and your words hit me hard and keep things in pespective. I thank you for allowing me to hear the true feelings of greeving family. It makes me realize how quickly things can change.

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

[dunerider4]

wow, that was a great poem

[yzernie]

God bless you and your family.

[mxerncolo]

Likewise. It is my firm wish and hope that Garrett will never truly die, as well that none of us ever truly do. I have the very strong belief that our actions and the love that others have held for us keeps us alive. I'm sure I'm speaking for everyone - a feeling that is comforting and somewhat discomforting - because I fear stepping out on a limb so among people I've never met, but I can only humbly say once again (for me) how absolutely magical it has been to have been touched so often by Garrett... And in that case, though it may be little consolation for your loss, Mr. Berg, we have all been so blessed so many times over by your son.

Jim

[Florida 393]

Mike,
I cannot even begin to imagine your pain. I have wondered continuously why one man has his son to treasure and another looses his, along with the joy and wonder they bring. I pray for you and yours daily, hoping that your pain will dull. I know it will never leave, as Garrett's spirits never leaves all of us. I do pray that you can find some peace in the fact Garrett and now you touch so many lives in such a positive way.

It is strange to me how someone I only know from reading his intelligent and humerous posts can cause me to hurt so deeply. If I take something away from this that is positive it is that I make sure I make the most of my time with John. I see a lot of the positive things Garrett showed us in him and I am greatful you and Suzette have taken us in to your family. As my brother you and the others of the Band of Brothers from 2002 I have grown as a father and a man. The lives you and Garrett have touched are too numerous to list or even try to name. Please know y'all continue to touch and effect us daily. I look forward to seeing you and Suzette and our Brothers soon. be strong and know we all love and care for you and your family.

Semper Fi!,
Bill

[MotoMan]

Wow Mike....I really don't know what else to say.

You have been thru some horrendous pain my friend. Anytime I feel as though life has beat me down or delt me a crappy hand so to speak I think of you and what you have went thru with the loss of your son. You have endured so much Mike, and I respect the living hell out of you man.

God Bless you Mike and may this pain you feel in your heart someday dwindle.

[zoohoot393]

Mike, as others have said, Garrett continues to live through all of us in each and every post, group ride and gathering. It is amazing that most of us here never met Garrett, but through you we get to know him a little better each day.

I cannot think of anything to say that could provide comfort to the pain described in the poem, other than to say we are all here for you and your family and we are thinking and praying for you guys.

[valverde]

Mike,
Since the first day I met you, you and your family have been a huge inspiration to me. I hope the knowledge that you and Garret have helped so many people in their day to day lives, eases some of the pain.

I almost did not walk across the parking lot that day at 3-Palms, I felt I might be bothering you, boy am I glad I made that walk.

Thank You for being such an inspiration to so many!

[OlSchoolFool393]

Glad to see Your writeing again Mike
And hope it brings You alittle PEACE
and LOOKIN to hangout again soon!
Don W.

[Satch0922]

Mike,

We have all talked about "That Final Day" and we have tried to imagine how it must have felt.. but we can not begin to imagine. We all share the joy of celebrating Garrett's life and we share the pain of your loss. Tonight my wife and I watched the GMB III DVD and we looked at each other and we were both in tears. Some may ask how two people that never had the oppportunity to meet someone can be affected like that. I can tell you that it is because we have come to know you, Suzette and Shannon and we feel like your part of our family. We all know through countless examples that Garrett was an exceptional young man.

I know you have heard this before but you should hold your head high...your son still lives....in the hearts of many. I admire your strength and I thank you for letting us be a part of your family.

Brent

[MxMike393]

Hey Mr. Berg!

That is a very awesome poem man! Even though i never met Garrett, I have heard many many stories about him from The Bazzys and Matt Sandt. Watching the GMBIII video and seeing how this loss brought all of us together is amazing! One young man who most of us have never met has helped create a bond between us all! Thanks Mr. Berg! Feel better bro! LETS GO RIDE I would most definately love to see you at splendora more often! Just PM me and lets go

-Michael Bryan Fuhre

[MWV46]

Mr. Berg,
All though never having the pleasure of meeting you or your son I could not help but shed a few tears as I read your poem. As a father I can only imagine the pain. I know nothing I say can heal the hurt you have but as you share your feelings at least know that you are in our prayers. And know that the words of your writing have made some of us stop and reflect on our relationships with our own children, to be sure we don't take them for granted and that we charish every day with them. Thank you.

May you find the peace you are looking for.
Mike Vanderpool

[chabat]

Mr. Berg,
Thank you for sharing with us. I felt glad to meet you last month at David's House and again at Splendora. I feel like writing is kind of magic as a way to deal with feelings. It clarifies what you are feeling and thinking in a way that thinking alone never can. And in this case it allows us, your friends, to become closer to you. Writing about loss is more than cathartic, somehow.

I know. I lost my dad when I was 7. My sisters were 6 and 3, and my brother was 6 months old. Not until I was in grad school did I learn to deal with my loss. My thesis show ( my degree was in fine art - printmaking and sculpture ), was about loss - the loss of my childhood and my father. I had over twenty pieces in the show. The show was a success, but it was more than that to me. It was a living memorial to my father. It was not the exact same as writing - more of visual writing. I finally "buried" my father and my demons too.

I just want you to know that when you write like that, you are creating. In my opinion, that is an activity near and dear to G_d's heart - because that is what he is - the creator. I think he honors your creation [poem] and grieving. My heart hurts for your loss, even though I never met Garrett. Please know you are loved and respected around here Mr. Berg.

Your writings and poems are living memorial of Garrett. Keep them coming as often as you need to. They can only help you and make you stronger. I know you really don't know me, but I just wanted to speak to you. My prayers are with you.
Chris